You can't spend what you ain't got, you can't loose what you ain never had

Poor woman's diet consists of lack of time + lack of funds / what's in the fridge x innovation and ingenuity... or something like that. Motivated by muddy waters blues and plenty of vino / vodka.

This evening's fair is brought to you by all of the above and a lack of house mates which ='s plenty of time. Too much math for as many drinks as I have had. This is not My Drunk Kitchen, it's a tiny bit classier and you'd have to watch some other broad for that.

On with the foods.*


Eggs in Tuna Sauce:
2 boiled eggs ( to "hard" boil my eggs, I throw them mercilessly in the boiling pasta water when the pasta is considered about 1/2 way finished cooking or 3-4 min and pull them about a min before I pull the pasta.  Side note of side notes, I will use the pasta water infinitum throughout the evening since it's got magical powers.)

1 can 8 oz tuna in water (does not matter the quality, you will be pulverizing it to oblivion)
2 tbs olive oil (quality always matters here)
1 crank peppercorn mill (staple)
1 dash sea salt (staple)

4 kalamata olives (these should be a constant pantry staple, if not fridge)
2-4 tbs (you know what kind of person you are) Dukes (there is no other kind) mayo

puree until nothing resembles the original form and creates a "sauce" of sorts. Friggen amazing with eggs and bread, or licked shamelessly off the spoon.

Brocletti:

(my personal all time fave)

1 bunch broclini / baby broccoli / broccoli floretts with kale leaves if really desperate

cut in 2 in pieces and place in the bottom of your pasta bowl, place strainer basket over top of. When eggs are fin, and pasta is fin, pour the pasta in the strainer and LEAVE the water in the bowl with the greens of whatever assortment you have. You can leave for up to 10 min here while tending to other things as it's technically not cooking, but resting, as you should be, but you somehow have found yourself in the kitchen, yet again, alone with the blues and a bottle at 8 o'clock at night.

Put the pasta in the pan it came from with about 1/2 c olive oil. Does that seem like too much, well you need to loosen the F up and live it up a lil. That shit is good for you and your shiny coat.

The remainder of the brocletti is easy. After you strain it off, add 2 large pinches red pepper flakes, 1/2 tsp sea salt and squeeze 1 whole lemon over it. Toss liberally with 2 tbs olive oil.

Pasta (finally):
( this should really be a staple in every house. Amazing, filling, somewhat healthy, and totally versatile.)
you've gotten (my god I hope so) by now that you have already suposed to cooked the pasta at this point. Let it rest in its nourishing bath of olive oil while you prep it's sauce. It will be fine. It will not feel neglect, as you may at this point in the evening.

Sauce:

I found 1/4 jar sauce in the fridge ( don't freak out, if you've been paying attention, I had people over the other night and it was open less than 3 days)

3/4 c grape tomatos, still plump and juicy, diced them up and tossed them with 1/2 yellow onion (staple) and 2 cloves garlic ( again, if you don't have onions and garlic in your house, I am seriously contemplating our friendship and my consultative skills at this point.)

let them all hang out like friends in the pan with copious amounts of olive oil and get to know one another for like 5-10 min. It's all good. Salt, pepper and a lil fresh oregano, I know, not many people have fresh anything growing in their backyard/window garden what have you, but this is a good thing to have, dried/fresh.

Serve up like you know what you are doing, or at least watch enough food network to pretend like you do, or look like you have a cough, problem / addiction.



Enjoy by yourself with yet another glass of, what's this, SPRITE ZERO and vodka. Ok, I now need company. Anybody? I have food...

*you will find, if you are a patron of fine RVA foods, that I have liberated some of the above recipes from a known italian take out establishment, located in the heart of the fan, cough, 8 1/2 ( of which I am a huge fan and would have, under normal circumstances, chosen to patronize & eat out at, and not pretend to know how to cook their amazing foods). Please forgive me if I have bastardized the food and if I have somehow improved upon, hem hem, I will then count myself as awesomesauce.